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A Melancholy Kiss
Bittersweet Longings...
As You Wish 
13th-Mar-2007 12:44 pm
Smallville, Clark/Lex, ermm, I was supposed to be using a picture. The picture somewhat inspired, but really doesn't get used. Gomen nasai. *hangs head*

Summary: Lex reads Clark's e-mails to Lana and Chloe.

“Hey Lex,” Lex was barely able to move his gaze away from Clark in time before he looked up at his best friend from where he was currently sprawled out on the floor doing his history homework, green eyes looking almost haunted. Lex let out a silent sigh of relief that he hadn’t been caught watched Clark, unwilling to get into a fight over his not trusting Clark, and not believing him.

“Do you mind if I use your computer?” Lex frowned slightly at the look in Clark’s eyes before realizing that he had asked him something. Thinking back quickly, Lex nodded his assent and Clark grinned, the shadow not quite banished from his eyes but dimmed. “Thank you!” Clark scrambled to his feet, nearly tripping over them in fact, before he managed to get out the door to use the computer.

Lex swung his bottle of water in a slow, small circle, thinking as the water sloshed in the blue glass, before he lifted it to his lips and drained the rest of the water. It had been a while since he had seen that look in Clark’s eyes, and it was disturbing. Lex was sure Clark knew he could talk to him about anything. Even Lana, or Chloe, much as it pained Lex, he would still listen to his young friend talk about the women in his life, and the yearning of childhood crushes. He set the bottle down on a side table for the staff to clean up later.

Actually, Lex thought, it had been quite a while since Clark had mentioned either of the girls as anything other than just friends, but that didn’t mean Clark didn’t still think of them that way. Sighing at his morose thoughts, Lex stood up and poured himself a glass of scotch, finishing it in one go before pouring another glass to savour.  But now that he thought about it, it had been months since Clark had asked for his advice on how to woo a woman. He took a sip of the scotch, thinking.

The truth was that Clark had been in Lex’s thoughts since the day he had hit Clark on the bridge. At first Lex had been sure it was just because it wasn’t possible for a normal human being to survive the crash, then he assumed the way he was feeling was because he was grateful for all the times Clark had saved him. Lex smiled sadly, turned to stare out the window. He hadn’t really felt loved since his mother had died, so he imagined he could be forgiven for not knowing how he felt until recently. It had taken the sight of Clark leaning in close to Lana, his mouth nearly brushing her ear as he talked to her quietly. The surge of jealousy that had flooded Lex had confirmed that he was well and truly in love with Clark Kent. Unfortunately, it had also confirmed that Clark was very much straight.

A noise behind Lex caused him to startle slightly, evidenced only by the slight movement of the hand holding his scotch as he turned around. “Clark. Finished on the computer already?” He smiled easily, his free hand coming up to rub the back of his head.

“Yeah, I just wanted to e-mail Lana. We’d been talking about something at school, and I told her I’d e-mail her about it, but it’s not really something I want my parents to see.” Clark returned the smile, unaware of the lance of pain that Lex felt. Apparently, Clark had finally worked up the nerve to ask her out. Lex’s lips twisted slightly, but the smile remained on Lex’s face as Clark moved in closer, until Lex could reach out and touch him if he had wanted. Or rather, if he dared. His eyes shuttered, and Lex turned to look out the window once more, his hand tightening around the glass of scotch as he brought it to his lips.

“And how is the lovely, Ms. Lang today?” Lex’s voice was tight, and he closed his eyes against the thought that his weakness was showing. Father would be devastated, Lex thought to himself, smiling bitterly. “I’m sorry, it seems I’m not quite good company at the moment. You will have to forgive me. I had a bit of a long night because of a business call with Tokyo that had me up until late.” Lex knew it wasn’t fair to Clark, to take advantage of how polite he had been raised.

“I’m sorry, Lex. You’re probably tired,” Clark reached out to touch Lex’s shoulder, turning him around to face him. “I’m just going to get my stuff together and head home. I have some chores to do anyway. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow?” Lex winced inwardly at the look of concern on Clark’s face. He hadn’t meant to worry Clark, but he knew that if he insinuated he was tired Clark would take the hint and leave. Lex needed the time to get completely drunk and forget that when Clark had been here with him he had felt the need to e-mail her.

“Sure, Clark. Why don’t you come by after school,” – God, he was in love with someone still in school and now dating the most popular girl in the class – “and we can have dinner, or watch a movie.” He was surprised to see the low flush that brought out Clark’s green eyes. What was he embarrassed about, Lex wondered, before banishing the thought.

“I… I’d like that,” Clark stammered, the flush deepening as he ducked his head, looking up at Lex from under his eyelashes. “So I’ll see you tomorrow. And get some sleep, Lex!” Clark admonished, smiling brightly as he squeezed Lex’s shoulder a little tighter. The squeeze bordered on painful, but Lex didn’t flinch, he just smiled in return.

“I’ll get some sleep, Clark. Don’t worry about me.” Clark grinned and let his hand drop from Lex’s shoulder before spinning around and haphazardly putting his books into his backpack. Lex knelt down next to Clark and handed him a stack of papers. Their hands touched briefly, sending a small shock of desire to pool in Lex’s lower body. He stifled the low moan the touch brought, and stood, grateful for the sweater being long enough to cover him.

“’Bye, Lex,” Clark waved over his shoulder as he left the room, and Lex turned to look out the window, waiting for Clark to pull out before he finished his second glass of scotch and poured himself a third.

He knew he shouldn’t torment himself, but he couldn’t seem to help himself, and so he left the library and made his way to the office where he pulled up the history of the laptop. After an incident where someone had been using Lex’s laptop to send out e-mails from “him” Lex had installed an internal keylogger, hidden in a series of folders, so he could see everything that was typed on the laptop afterwards. He had never intended it to be used to spy on his best friend, but the curiosity could not be denied. Lex pulled up the keylogger with a few clicks on the touchpad, and began reading.

Hey Lana,

     Thanks for reading this!

     We’ve been friends for a long time, and for so long I thought that was all I felt for you. But then something changed, what I don’t know, and I realized that what I felt for you wasn’t friendship. Friends don’t get jealous of the time you spend with other people, they don’t ache to touch you, to kiss you, to run their hands over your silky smooth skin. They don’t want to get lost in your eyes, or spend the rest of their life holding you in their arms, protecting you, loving you, and just being with you. Eventually, I clued in that it was love I felt. Yes, love. I’m in love with you. The time I spend with you is the best part of my day, and I find myself looking forward to seeing you. When I’m with you I smile, and I can be myself. I can just be Clark Kent. But there’s more to is, to us, than that. I love you for your brilliant mind, your sense of humour, your poise, your charisma, your charm, and even your eyes. Yes, I love you for your eyes. I love the fact that you see right through me, but you let me be without getting upset. I love everything about you. And I hope you feel the same way about me, that I haven’t been an idiot to tell you this. I don’t have much to offer you, but what I do have is yours if you’re willing to accept it, and to accept me. I love you.

     Well, thanks for reading Lana. Let me know what you think.


Lex swallowed, tears shimmering in his eyes as his suspicions were confirmed. Clark was in love with Lana, and if she was half as smart as Lex thought her to be she would take Clark at his offer. Lex would if he were in her place. Sighing softly, he rested his head against the cool glass of the desk, his eyes closing. He would take Lana’s place, but it was obvious that Clark was in love with her, and he didn’t want to interfere with that. He would have to start backing off, spending less time with Clark now that he had confessed his feelings to Lana – unless Lana turned Clark down, in which case Lex would have to be there for Clark, consoling him until he could find another young woman to fall in love with. Lex choked back a sob, tears spilling down his cheeks to pool on the table. He laughed bitterly at the look of salty tears on the glass, and sat back, finishing his scotch. He wondered if there was enough scotch in the entire castle to kill the heartache.


The morning brought a vague, dull headache, and Lex winced slightly as he sat up, mouth fuzzy from drinking so much last night. Soon enough he remembered why he had drank so much, and he laughed bitterly before getting ready for the day. Clark was supposed to be coming by after school today, and Lex knew he had to be ready to face his friend as though nothing had happened. For all Clark knew, nothing had happened, and Lex intended to keep it that way.


Clark and Lex had finished eating supper when Clark looked up at Lex with the same look in his eyes as he had the night before. Lex paused, and tilted his head slightly. “Is there something troubling you, Clark?” As much as he hoped Clark and Lana weren’t dating, he wanted Clark to be happy even more, and Lex was prepared to do what he could in order to make certain his friend was happy.  Clark smiled, eyes cloudy as though they were hiding some sort of pain.

“No. Well, not really. But I was wondering if I could borrow your computer again. It’s for the project I told you about yesterday. I, uh, need to e-mail Chloe about it.” Lex almost sighed. Clark was a terrible liar.

“I thought you were working with Ms. Lang on that project?” He smiled, teeth showing in a manner that could only be described as shark-like.

“I, well, I am working on the project with Ms. I mean, Lana. But, I, uh, needed to ask Chloe a question. And it’s, um, sex-related? So I don’t want to do that at home, because you know how my parents would get. Right?” Clark pleaded with Lex, silently begging him not to question anymore. Swallowing against the pain, Lex nodded.

“Sure Clark. You know I trust you. And you know you can trust me with anything, right?” He asked pointedly, eyes narrowed on Clark’s.

“I know.” Clark smiled brightly and jogged down the hall to use the laptop, while Lex continued to the media room, and picked out an older DVD. The Princess Bride, he nearly put the DVD back before chuckling softly. Wesley and he were rather similar, he decided with a rueful shake of his head. He put in the DVD, and had the rooms set up for the movie to start whenever they were ready.

When Clark came into the room moments later the shadow that was in his eyes had deepened into worry, and he sat on the sofa stiffly. “Clark, are you sure you’re okay?” Lex sat next to him, one hand resting on Clark’s shoulder, savouring even the small contact. Lex was worried, as normally Clark was more active. Frowning, he started to rub Clark’s shoulder gently.

“No, really, Lex, I’m fine.” Clark turned his head, smiling gently. “I promise.”  Clark’s eyes dropped from Lex’s to stare at his lips before flicking back up to meet Lex’s once more in a movement so fast that Lex was unsure it had really happened. “So, The Princess Bride, huh? I love this movie. I used to watch it with mom all the time. I just didn’t think you’d have it, Lex.” Clark grinned, before adding, “could I borrow it some time? It’s been years since mom saw it, so she’d be thrilled.”

Lex smiled, “of course, Clark. ‘As you wish.’” He chuckled before taking his hand off Clark’s shoulder and picking up the remote to start the movie.


After the movie Clark had left, and Lex made his way to the laptop, opening up the keylogger again. Sighing at his own masochism, he opened up the log from when Clark had used the laptop earlier that evening.

Hi Chlo,

     Please let me know what you think.

We’ve been friends for so long, and I thought that friendship was all I felt for you. Then something changed and I realized that what I felt for you wasn’t friendship.

Friends don’t get jealous of the time you spend with other people. Friends don’t ache to touch you, or to kiss you, and definitely not to run their hands over your silky smooth skin. Friends don’t want to get lost in your beautiful blue eyes, or spend the rest of their life holding you in their arms, protecting you, loving you, and just being with you.

Now I know how I feel about you. I love you; I’m in love with you. The time I spend with you is the best part of my day, and I find myself looking forward to seeing you. When I’m with you I smile, and I can be myself—Clark Kent.  However, there’s more to it, to us, than that.

I love you for your brilliant mind, your sense of humour, your poise, your charisma, and your charm. I even love your eyes. Yes, I love you for your eyes. I love the fact that you see right through me, but you let me be myself without pushing for answers like you used to. I love everything about you.

I hope you feel the same way about me, that I haven’t been an idiot to tell you this. I know don’t have much to offer you, but what I do have is yours if you’re willing to accept it, and to accept me. I love you.



Lex winced, re-reading the e-mail and mentally comparing it to the one Clark had sent Lana yesterday. They were nearly identical, except this one seemed more polished and refined. But why would Clark Kent, one of the nicest boys Lex had ever known, send an e-mail like this to two young women, let alone two women who were friends? Lex rubbed his temples, frowning in confusion. It just didn’t make sense.

He shut down the laptop and wandered the castle, still pondering the situation before finally making his way to the bedroom where he collapsed in tears, his heart aching. It wasn’t fair. Not only did Clark confess his love to Lana, but also to Chloe? Lex curled up on the bed, dragging a blanket over himself. It had been a long time since he had cried himself to sleep, since his mother had died in fact, but somehow he had the feeling that tonight would break that record. Lex was right, and moments later he fell asleep, tears soaking his pillow.


When Clark arrived the next day Lex had decided to confront Clark about the mess, not telling him how crushed he was, but instead offering advice like an older brother would. Instead, when he looked at Clark his throat tightened, and he had to swallow convulsively. Clark had dressed up, it seemed, wearing a white button up shirt, and a pair of dark grey slacks. He looked good, and Lex couldn’t help but blink as he looked at Clark. Remembering what he was going to say, Lex frowned. “Clark. You recall a few months back how someone was using my laptop for, shall we say, nefarious reasons?” Lex turned away from Clark without waiting for an answer and paced to the window, where he stood, feet spread apart, braced for what was to come.

“When that happened I decided to install a program called a keylogger, it allows me to go n and see what has been typed on the computer. It’s been active the past few nights when you had used the laptop. I didn’t intend to read what was written, but I’ve made it a habit to check daily to be certain only legitimate transactions have taken place.” The lie was smooth, and Lex smiled, pretending to be amused. “The thing is, Clark, I read those e-mails you sent to the girls. I’m afraid it’s bad form to tell two ladies that you love them, especially when they’re friends and are bound to talk about the great guy they’re seeing.”

Lex turned to look at Clark, head tilted as he grinned. Clark blanched, shaking his head. “No! Lex, come on, I wouldn’t tell them I love them. I don’t!”

“Clark, Clark, Clark.” Lex shook his head, his laughter low and melodic. “The keylogger showed you confessing that you loved them. I believe you mentioned having thought all you felt was friendship until you realized it was love. Admittedly, it was very well written, but as a suggestion it makes more sense to not send it to more than one person, or if you do to make sure neither of them know the other.” He smiled, his hand reaching out to rest on Clark’s shoulder. “I just don’t want to see you burned, Clark.”

“That’s not it at all. Lana and Chloe were helping me.” Clark looked at the floor before swinging his backpack off his shoulder, and rustling around until he pulled out an elaborate scroll case and handing it to Lex. “I should go.” He looked up, and their eyes met briefly. Lex sucked in a breath at the look of intense pain in Clark’s eyes. Before Lex could say anything Clark was gone.

Looking down at the case, Lex ran his fingers over the etching. A closer look showed that the case was actually made from some piping he had seen on the farm before. The pipe had obviously been polished smooth before scrollwork had been etched into the pipe, as had his initials. The ends were capped, and with a twist on one end, the cap came off and an artificially aged piece of paper fell into Lex’s hand. He set the case down on his desk, and fingered the paper gently. Parchment, he thought to himself, confused as he rolled open the scroll. At first he was stunned by the workmanship, intricate symbols adorned the paper, bright colour calling attention to the fancy lettering. Calligraphy, Lex mused. His father had forced him to learn calligraphy years past as it had helped his writing be neater, and more “graceful.” Then he began to read.

Lex’s jaw dropped as he finished reading the letter, eyes shining with unshed tears. Clark had said that the girls were helping him, and if that was true, then Lex was luckier than he had thought. “I love you, Lex…” he read aloud, fingers caressing the words as he spoke. Clark loved him. Clark loved him. Wait, where was Clark?

Lex looked up, surprised at how dark it was. He glanced at the time, and swore. It had been hours since Clark had stopped by. By now, he probably thought Lex was rejecting him. Dropping the scroll on the desk he hurried to the garage, grabbing the first set of keys he saw and getting into the matching vehicle.  He was mentally calculating how much longer it would take to arrive at the Kent’s farm when he saw a figure walking along the side of the road, head hanging low. The body language indicated that the person was hurting, and while it wasn’t something he usually saw in Clark, Lex recognized Clark instantly. He passed Clark before spinning the car around and stopping.

Clark’s head whipped up as the tires squealed, and he was watching warily as Lex got out of the car and started walking towards him. “Lex…” he murmured, looking away, suddenly shy. “I’m sorry. Can we just forget this ever happened?”

“No, Clark, I don’t think we can. I don’t want to forget this ever happened.” Lex stalked closer, eyes locked on Clark as though he were afraid Clark would run away. “Did you mean it?” he asked softly when he was standing right in front of Clark.

“Every word, Lex, every word.” Clark blushed, eyes finally meeting Lex’s. His eyes searched Lex’s before he relaxed, apparently satisfied with whatever it was he had found.

“Prove it,” Lex smirked. “Promise me one thing, Clark.” Lex waiting for Clark to nod before continuing. “Marry me. Not now, of course, but when we can. Marry me.” The smirk softened into a smile as he reached out to cup Clark’s cheek, pulling him forward gently, their lips touching briefly before parting for Clark to answer.

“As you wish.”

8th-May-2007 08:47 am (UTC)
Just found this, and it's adorable! Love the idea of Clark working on his rough drafts, and then writing up the finished letter complete with calligraphy and a container etched with scrollwork. Love the image of a heartbroken Lex misunderstanding the drafts, and then being overwhelmed when he realizes he's the one Clark is courting. So sweet! *hugs the CLex*
26th-Feb-2008 05:05 am (UTC)
26th-Feb-2008 05:06 am (UTC)
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